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Husband broken promise? Should I give up on him?

First sorry for the grammar. English is not my first language and I'm still learning it. My husband and I got married May of last year. As soon as we got married my mother in law moved in with us and abandon her house (went into foreclosure and quit her job) and made my life miserable. She pick on my cooking (she said it gives her heartburn), expect me to clean the whole house (even her room) while she sits in the couch and eat. After six months of maltreatment I asked my husband if we can moved to renta place without his mother. My husband agreed and we got an apartment in addition to the house that we bought for the two of us that my MIL invaded. My problem is as soon as we got the apartment my mother in law started acting out-crying and threaten to kill herself if my husband left him. I moved in to my new apartment in January and my husband promised me that he will followed me in two months. He told me he will need to prepare him mother to the transition. Almost six months now and my husband still living on our house with MIL and me ended up living by myself in our rented apartment. I really feel hurt about this...I feel my husband have chosen his mother over me. I feel like my husband will never found the courage to fight for me and this is a battle I cannot win. Should I give up on him? I love my husband but his broken promise hurts me and I feel numb on my feeling about him anymore. My mother in law is 50 yrs old. My husband and I met in NY and after 2 yrs of dating we got married and move closer to his mother in California. Thanks for reading.

Public Comments

Up to you if you want to tell him fix this within the month or the marriage is over, or if you think you need to give him 3/6 mn? But yeah, if this doesn't change don't stick around. Life is too short.
Sandy sounds like you are already setup perfectly for a separation He is a mommas boy and always will be You got your own place now go file the papers Its not going to change he will never choose you over his mother So you can deal with being married and alone or single and temporarily alone till you find someone who puts you as number one
you need to put your foot down and say its me or her
Holy cow. Well first off, I think it was pretty crazy that you guys left your own home so that she could live with you. I would think your best bet is to ask your husband if she has any other family like brothers and sisters to stay with. It would be different if she was actually loving and caring and helping out. In this case, she is taking advantage and just being down right immature. Obviously your husband is feeling bad for her, but you need to talk to him and tell him you want your life back. Your life together is now about you and your husband. Your parents did their job to help raise you and they should not be acting this way. If he doesn't agree, maybe get him to see a counselor to talk it through, if not, you have a long road ahead. Good luck!
If he doesn't have the guts to stand up to that manipulating woman by now then he probably never will. I would get rid of them both.
Counseling!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot tell you to give up on your husband. What I can tell you is DO NOT threaten to leave under any circumstances unless you are really going to leave. If you tell him something needs to be a certain way and if it doesn't happen that you will leave then you need to follow through or he will always take advantage of you. It's like dealing with children.....don't make a statement that you will not act on.
He has chosen his mother over you, and If he doesn't come home to live with you very soon, then choose someone else over him. Sounds pretty lame, you don't deserve to be put on the back burner while he tends to his mother. I'd be really hurt if my husband didn't live with me.
That's a tough one. How to get that mom to leave you guys alone without alienating your husband? Ok... Will discussing the matter with him in an adult way help? Do not make him choose, whatever you do, don't do that. You must be as diplomatic as possible. That old bird needs to get the idea that she needs to leave the two of you in peace. Another thing is this: YOU must not let yourself be bullied. She doesn't like your cooking? Gives her heartburn? Make something plain...like toast and lettuce for her. See if she starts bitching about that. And if she does, tell her that you're doing it for her health. Don't let her get to you. She sees this and will walk all over you if you let her. Also, why in the hell are you cleaning her room? She's 50, she's not really freaking old and decrepit. Sorry about the husband, seems to me that he also needs to stand up to mommy. Be diplomatic...up to a point. Good luck
i think you should confront him on this. he obviously loves his mom, but she needs to get counseling. If this continues, file for those divorce papers.
Aw, Don't give up. Atleast have him over for lunch or dinner and talk to him about how this makes you feel girl! Maybe you should rent the movie "smother" for him. It is a movie about exactly the situation with him and his mother. I have a feeling she is trying to come between you two. Either he gets back to the life he has promised to live with you, or he stays a mama's kid the rest of his life. this situation is not fair to you my love, I would talk this over with him and I'm sure with his reaction and the actions he takes after the talk will show your heart the road to take. I wish you the best of luck! You sound like a very intelligent, strong and sweet person, don't ever change.
I feel very sorry for you, you are in an awful situation. Your husband is being an immature baby hanging onto his Mom. She is making him feel guilty and manipulating him. Who is paying for the appartment? Are you and he still having physical relations? If so he may be happy treating you like his girlfriend rather than his wife. I think I would tell him if he does not cut the apron strings soon, you will be divorcing him. There is a word for what he is doing...it is called abandonment. You have legal grounds to divorce on that cause. You must really consider that this behavior of his Mom's will most likely never stop, unless HE makes her stop it and if he doesn't then you will constantly find yourself in the middle of this mess. Is that really the way you want to spend your life?
Well honey you have no grounds for divorce because he is not cheating on you with anyone else. But all you can do it talk to your husband, pray for guidance, and ask God for the strength to endure this trial you are going through. She has put him between a rock and a hard place because no man or woman wants to hear their parent threaten to kill themselves. She is being very unfair and not respecting his marriage. In the first place she should have asked her son to come and live with you two and he should have said no from the start that she needs to keep her job and her home he has a family of his own to take care of. This has gotten so far out of hand. When you speak to him ask him what his plans are adn what he plans to do. This is not healthy for your marriage in no shape form or fashion. The bible tells us that once we marry we leave our parents, which means they no longer come first. He should have stayed out of state and knows his mother is controlling. She used her son to get you out of the house and that is not fair. She should be ashamed of herself and he needs to step up and be a man. You need to tell him that but don't make him chose because you may not like the outcome.
GIRL!!!! tell him it says in bible a man find a wife finds good thing...his family comes first(you) and then the parents....he is wrong and the sooner he realizes that the better off u guys will be, if he is a real man he needs to stand up to his mother or leave u along leave the house for a fews days if you can i bet he will get it together real soon. my fiance was telling his mother all of our biz i kept telling him if you keep telling your mom all of our biz shes going to form her own opinon about me and thats what happened and she has never met me, well i told him to choose he chose her two weeks later when the rest of his family told him the same thing i said as far as standing up to his mother and letting her know she cant run our relationship he was begging literally me to come back thats when he prospose....your husband is a man and he needs to be just that to u and your family that u have....and stand up to his mom or walk away...good luck
Don't give up on him just yet. But do tell him, " you married me, not your mother. If you cannot stick by me, then I'll find someone who can!" On the other hand, I do believe that if one's parents are unable to support themselves then their kids can help them out, but not to the detriment of their marriage. [Tell her if she leaves you alone you'll have more time to make babies that can visit her....hahaha...]
Don't give up. Marriage is so hard the 1st 2 years as you try to learn to live w/ a new person. It's time you & husband plan a nice date. Get a motel room with the whirl pool tub. Pick up a nice gourmet dinner to go & eat it in your room. Then step into the whirl pool to have a relaxing talk about your married life. Remind him that marriage is between the TWO partners involved. Ask if he is ready to be married. Let him know that it's okay if he was mistaken & NOT ready to leave his mother & build a life with you. But if that's the case, then you both need to take steps to dissolve the marriage. If however, this is not the case then you two need to work on a plan to have your lives back. The 1st step is that MIL needs to be moved into your apt. & you & husband resume living in your house. Threats to end her life are all her choice. Offer her counseling to help her deal w/ suicidal feeling but make it very clear that neither of you will let emotional black-mail end your marriage. This is the reason for the alone time with husband. You have to have a plan. Be resolved to carry it out as a team. Think of all the things that MIL will say to sabotage that plan. And how you will counter those moves or statements in a united front. It was her choice to end her job. Let her know she can have the apt. paid for her for "X" amount of time (6 mo.?) & then it will no longer be paid for. She can use this time to find a job. It can be any job. If it is not enough to support her basic needs (apartment & food) then you two will still be willing to help out. Do NOT offer to pay for phone, TV, not any luxuries. If she wants to live off of your income, then it should be the minimal amount & only if she gets counseling to let go of unhealthy attachment to her son. (A healthy attachment is wanting to see him advance in life & being in a loving relationship w/ his wife.) Any wavering or delay in plans will not be allowed. If this occurs from husband's part, you may have to inform him that he THOUGHT he was ready for marriage, but his actions show he still needs to be raised by his mother. It's not his fault. But let him know you are not going to let him drag you into that unhealthy type of marriage. Assure him that you love him, but your love is about making a marriage work, not enabling him to stay immaturely bound to his mother. That's not what a good wife does. I good wife helps her man to succeed in every area of his life. You can be firm about this w/o being out of control emotionally. Show him that you offer him a solace to life if he is choosing to be connected to you & only you. This does not mean pushing his mother out of his life. Only setting proper boundaries about how much she will be in the marriage.
I can understand.. But just for few seconds think like your husband being in his place... mother is a person who's sacrifices can never compared to to any others.. no person [having respect on his mother] will go against to his mother.. think over this suppose tomorrow your son will be kept in this same situation and if he choose his wife what will you feel..????? Here mother desirves more from her son than a wife.. your husbend is not a culprite her but the time and situations... Better you can ask him to came some times to you. he cant left his mother alone and i think he will not agree for this.. so beter you could live supprate from your MIL but you can ask your huband to be with you also... Hope this will help to take better decision.. Gud luck..
So sorry to hear this and she is young which means she will be around to torment you for a long time- you should start with your husband find out what he is thinking if he loves you and enjoys being married- he isn't living with you so what is he thinking- I'd give the mother in law the apt and take my house back. If she stays and you and your husband are happy then separate the two relationships DON"T complain to him about her- let him see it for himself so you are not nagging at him!!! Don't clean up after her and if she doesn't like your food then suggest that she cook for herself or go out and get something- make enough for the two of you who enjoys and appreciates the food. Is there a reason she doesn't work? If she is able she better get willing and you have to play nice with your husband to keep him on your side but if you do that he will eventually see what she is doing then if things never get better you can tell him you love him but he has to stand up for you??? Good luck